Have been tardy, again, with updating the blog; what can I say?! Busy, busy, life gets in the way, etc? All excuses....I suspect the real reason is that I've absorbed, normalised, got used to CD and the novelty has worn off a bit. I'm a great one for a nine day wonder (aren't I, C?!)
Anyway, here I am part way through week 8, two stone and three and a half pounds lighter than I was seven weeks ago. 31.5lb. Which is astonishing, really. Some people wouldn't lose that on weight watchers in a year. The weight of a - what - two year old? older? No idea. I think I'll do the 'piling up the lard in the supermarket' trick again so that I can see exactly what 31.5lb of fat looks like. I suspect it isn't pretty.
Dress size wise, most things are hanging off me and have been consigned to the charity bag, but my frock for the September wedding remains firmly and staunchly out of reach. I am starting to think I need a back up plan. (Alternative plan A, thank you Moo, doesn't fit either) Or do I hang on until a week before the wedding and then have to rush out and buy a whole wedding outfit - dress, jacket, shoes, hat? Either way, actually, I have to rush out and buy a few things closer to the wedding, as I'm holding off the shoes/bag/hat for the existing (and out of reach) dress for now as well, no point buying a whole suite of things in brown/cream when I might end up in something else entirely.
Still, its a nice problem to have.
Today's stats:
Weight -12'9.5
Total lost - 31.5
To goal - 24.5
Oh - and am celebrating being merely overweight as opposed to obese, as BMI has dropped below the magic 30 for the first time in years.
Lx
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Day 45 - unofficially two stone down
....to celebrate, shoes of fabulousness.
Not, I hasten to add, full price.
Thursday, 23 July 2009
Day 39 - what is it with breakfast food?
Every single morning that I go to work, I will, without fail, have the following dialogue with myself as I walk along the platform in London.
Ethel: Oh look, you've arrived in London, that means its time for yummy breakfast items. What shall you have? Bagel? Breakfast baguette? Croissant with egg and bacon? Sausage McMuffin? Toast? Mmmm, toast.
Me: No, I had breakfast, I had a shake and I don't need anything else. Besides, I'm not hungry. And I choose to do cambridge and see excellent results. Go away, Ethel.
Ethel: But smell that hot bread baking in Pret; see the man with the croissant....look, a skinny girl with a mcmuffin, you could have one of those and get away with it - you want one, you want one
Me: No, but yeah, but....Yeah you're right, I do want something. Croissant? What would do the least damage?
Ethel: Well, go on then, it'll be niiiiiiice, and you were up so early, work is so miserable, you deserve a treat, don't you.
Me: No. Coffee. Only coffee. I shall remain firm.
Ethel: Ok, well have something to go with your coffee then? Something small? Look, they do muffins in here.
Me: Shut UP Ethel!
"Shut up Ethel" is my mantra on this diet. Ethel, for those that don't know, is the devil on my shoulder. She's me, of course. She's the bit of me that still thinks food is a suitable reward for getting up early; a compensation for having a hard time at work. The bit of me that recalls the years and years of habitually buying breakfast when I got off the train to work.
(For years I commuted through Charing Cross, and Villiers Street next to the station has the following: Pret, Starbucks, Bagels, a little cafe, Costa, Eat.....masses and masses of carb-laden breakfast over the years contributed significantly to me being sixteen stone)
I guess we all have an Ethel. The trick seems to be not making her go away, but learning to listen to that side of ourselves and then choosing to acknowledge it but not act upon it. I don't think its possible to get rid of Ethel altogether, is it? Maybe Ethel will be a bit less vocal in time, but at the moment, she's pretty strident.
Its becoming tiresome, and boring, to have this conversation with myself every day. Its so Pavlovian - the result of years of conditioning. 'Cannon Street, this train terminates here. All change' triggers Ethel from her slumber like a bloody dog salivating at the sound of a bell.
In other news: at WI this week (Monday) I had shed another four lb, so taking me to 24lb in five weeks. Its times like that that enable me to put Ethel back in her box!
Stats (as of Monday)
Weight: 13'3
Lost: 24lb
To target: 32lb
Ethel: Oh look, you've arrived in London, that means its time for yummy breakfast items. What shall you have? Bagel? Breakfast baguette? Croissant with egg and bacon? Sausage McMuffin? Toast? Mmmm, toast.
Me: No, I had breakfast, I had a shake and I don't need anything else. Besides, I'm not hungry. And I choose to do cambridge and see excellent results. Go away, Ethel.
Ethel: But smell that hot bread baking in Pret; see the man with the croissant....look, a skinny girl with a mcmuffin, you could have one of those and get away with it - you want one, you want one
Me: No, but yeah, but....Yeah you're right, I do want something. Croissant? What would do the least damage?
Ethel: Well, go on then, it'll be niiiiiiice, and you were up so early, work is so miserable, you deserve a treat, don't you.
Me: No. Coffee. Only coffee. I shall remain firm.
Ethel: Ok, well have something to go with your coffee then? Something small? Look, they do muffins in here.
Me: Shut UP Ethel!
"Shut up Ethel" is my mantra on this diet. Ethel, for those that don't know, is the devil on my shoulder. She's me, of course. She's the bit of me that still thinks food is a suitable reward for getting up early; a compensation for having a hard time at work. The bit of me that recalls the years and years of habitually buying breakfast when I got off the train to work.
(For years I commuted through Charing Cross, and Villiers Street next to the station has the following: Pret, Starbucks, Bagels, a little cafe, Costa, Eat.....masses and masses of carb-laden breakfast over the years contributed significantly to me being sixteen stone)
I guess we all have an Ethel. The trick seems to be not making her go away, but learning to listen to that side of ourselves and then choosing to acknowledge it but not act upon it. I don't think its possible to get rid of Ethel altogether, is it? Maybe Ethel will be a bit less vocal in time, but at the moment, she's pretty strident.
Its becoming tiresome, and boring, to have this conversation with myself every day. Its so Pavlovian - the result of years of conditioning. 'Cannon Street, this train terminates here. All change' triggers Ethel from her slumber like a bloody dog salivating at the sound of a bell.
In other news: at WI this week (Monday) I had shed another four lb, so taking me to 24lb in five weeks. Its times like that that enable me to put Ethel back in her box!
Stats (as of Monday)
Weight: 13'3
Lost: 24lb
To target: 32lb
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Day 30 stats update
Haven't posted the stats for a while so here they are:
Weight today - 13'7
Lost - 20
To target - 36
Weight today - 13'7
Lost - 20
To target - 36
Day 30 - three is the magic number
Weighed in last night and 3lb off, so totalling 20lb in four weeks. I'm really very pleased with that....ok, it would have been more if I'd not had the hideous wagon-falling incident in week 2, but there we go. Can't do much about that now! 20lb in four weeks though - apart from LL, LT etc, show me another diet that delivers those results!
And 3lb a week is meant to be 'the average'. Am v happy being Ms Average this week.
We learned this on LL....1.5 stone (or thereabouts) is where People Notice. Yesterday I had SO many people ask me 'have you lost weight?' - most pleasing indeed that it does show. Helped, I guess, by the fact that I was wearing clothes that fit me for the first time in ages. I had an enormous clearout on Sunday and threw out everything that no longer fits, plus everything that does/could fit for a bit longer but I simply do not like. I'm not left with much, but that's fine. I've set aside this year's bonus, such as it is, to buy some new stuff further down the line. Now all I have to do is win two tickets to NYC and I'm all set.
Had a really interesting conversation on the way home with friend A from work. She has recently also lost weight and we both find it really difficult to 'see' ourselves as others do. I've long said I have 'reverse body dysmorphia' in which I look in the mirror, think 'yeah you look ok' then see photographs and realise that I look horrendous and what I see is not what the rest of the world sees. But then when i try to compare myself to random women in the street (sorry, random women) I think I compare to women who are bigger than me. A thinks she is much bigger than she is too. So we spent the walk to the station picking out passing women and establishing whether we thought we were bigger or smaller than them, and trying to find people to compare to. The other gave honest opinions....and what we realised was that our self-images are completely arse-backwards, 'pissed', and just plain wrong.
I read somewhere that it can take five years (years!) for your head to catch up with your body when you lose weight. I do hope that isn't true. otherwise A is going to have to follow me around for the next five years helping me understand what I look like (and vice versa!)
New purchase today - Eva Fraser's book and dvd on facial fitness. I can't believe this woman was born in 1928. http://www.evafraser.com/
And 3lb a week is meant to be 'the average'. Am v happy being Ms Average this week.
We learned this on LL....1.5 stone (or thereabouts) is where People Notice. Yesterday I had SO many people ask me 'have you lost weight?' - most pleasing indeed that it does show. Helped, I guess, by the fact that I was wearing clothes that fit me for the first time in ages. I had an enormous clearout on Sunday and threw out everything that no longer fits, plus everything that does/could fit for a bit longer but I simply do not like. I'm not left with much, but that's fine. I've set aside this year's bonus, such as it is, to buy some new stuff further down the line. Now all I have to do is win two tickets to NYC and I'm all set.
Had a really interesting conversation on the way home with friend A from work. She has recently also lost weight and we both find it really difficult to 'see' ourselves as others do. I've long said I have 'reverse body dysmorphia' in which I look in the mirror, think 'yeah you look ok' then see photographs and realise that I look horrendous and what I see is not what the rest of the world sees. But then when i try to compare myself to random women in the street (sorry, random women) I think I compare to women who are bigger than me. A thinks she is much bigger than she is too. So we spent the walk to the station picking out passing women and establishing whether we thought we were bigger or smaller than them, and trying to find people to compare to. The other gave honest opinions....and what we realised was that our self-images are completely arse-backwards, 'pissed', and just plain wrong.
I read somewhere that it can take five years (years!) for your head to catch up with your body when you lose weight. I do hope that isn't true. otherwise A is going to have to follow me around for the next five years helping me understand what I look like (and vice versa!)
New purchase today - Eva Fraser's book and dvd on facial fitness. I can't believe this woman was born in 1928. http://www.evafraser.com/
Thursday, 9 July 2009
Day ? I forget...er...25 - late Week 3 WI update
I promised to 'update tomorrow' didn't I....and didn't. Ah well. I can't imagine the world has particularly noticed my little blog being a few days late.
Weighed in late on Monday night and was pleased to have lost 5lb, so taking my overall total to 17lb in three weeks. Which is pleasing.
Since then, things haven't been altogether brilliant, not just CD wise but generally. Husbands car accident last week continues to be a bit of an issue; just getting car repaired seems to be unclimbable mountain. Swine flu (and suspected swine flu) abounds at work, I am severely short handed but we struggle on. And I've got a really, really, REALLY very annoying scratchy throat; even saw the nurse today but apparently nothing wrong....so why does my throat feel so wrongity wrong? Might try Piriton next in the hope it is hayfeverey scratchyness. (are those actual words?)
I've been very picky, sorry to say; have sneaked a bit of ham, and a bit of cheese. Disappointing - and I do recognise, the start of a slippery slope, so I'm recommitting as of NOW. No more.
Have had the most bizarre cravings this week. Well, not bizarre like coal or anything, but just an odd assortment of things. A few include
Jacob's cream crackers
Corned beef
Sausage and egg mcmuffins
Curry
Pickled onions
Nothing sweet - but that's easily explained - I live on chocolate milkshake!
and now I'm rambling. Back to Celebrity Masterchef.
Weighed in late on Monday night and was pleased to have lost 5lb, so taking my overall total to 17lb in three weeks. Which is pleasing.
Since then, things haven't been altogether brilliant, not just CD wise but generally. Husbands car accident last week continues to be a bit of an issue; just getting car repaired seems to be unclimbable mountain. Swine flu (and suspected swine flu) abounds at work, I am severely short handed but we struggle on. And I've got a really, really, REALLY very annoying scratchy throat; even saw the nurse today but apparently nothing wrong....so why does my throat feel so wrongity wrong? Might try Piriton next in the hope it is hayfeverey scratchyness. (are those actual words?)
I've been very picky, sorry to say; have sneaked a bit of ham, and a bit of cheese. Disappointing - and I do recognise, the start of a slippery slope, so I'm recommitting as of NOW. No more.
Have had the most bizarre cravings this week. Well, not bizarre like coal or anything, but just an odd assortment of things. A few include
Jacob's cream crackers
Corned beef
Sausage and egg mcmuffins
Curry
Pickled onions
Nothing sweet - but that's easily explained - I live on chocolate milkshake!
and now I'm rambling. Back to Celebrity Masterchef.
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Day 21 - I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it
The above quote is from As You Like It, which I saw on Friday night in Stratford (-upon-Avon, not the one in east London) and to me it seems apposite on two levels. Firstly, I do very much like Stratford and could willingly live there and 'waste my time in it'. I could even do something useful in it, it doesn't have to be a timewaste. That would be nice - but for now, not really practicable. Hey ho. Secondly, I can relate it to this diet....having reached ketosis - again - I realise just how good it is to be here and not to be struggling. And cheating means struggling. So, I've found it really quite simple this weekend to stay 'on plan'. Which is all to the good. I even managed to go to a restaurant with Mr S and keep him company whilst he ate a (yummy looking) pizza and chocolate pudding, just ordering water/coffee etc and not giving a stuff about what the staff thought. Here's some other 'good' things from this weekend....
- Drank only water on the car journey (ok, so that did mean 3 stops on a 3 hour journey) - usually we'd pick at sweets and crisps the whole way
- Had a shake when I got there then nothing all pm
- Met the lovely Ruth and drank black tea and water and didn't mind one bit not having a big stonking cake to go with
- Sat with Mr L whilst he had a jacket spud/chicken dinner and only whinged a little bit
- Went to theatre - twice - and had no sweets
- Went to the Dirty Duck - twice - and very nearly automatically ordered my usual large glass of red but remembered and didn't
- didn't go to breakfast in the b&b at all today, and yesterday just had coffee
As You Like It and Julius Caesar in one weekend - fantastic. I've got to mention Mariah Gale who played Rosalind so very, very well (she's the understudy, and I don't know for sure but I suspect it was her first night in the role) and Sam Troughton, who was amazing as Brutus in JC....such a good actor. And we had lovely weather, and there was a river festival to waste time at, so all in all I've had a fabulous time.
Short blog post as not really much to say, other than I'm dead chuffed to have been away for the whole weekend and dealt with it well.
Weigh in tomorrow. I know what my own scales suggest, but I'm keeping my own counsel on that until after tomorrow night's WI. I'm not dreading it as much as last week, though. Will update tomorrow!
- Drank only water on the car journey (ok, so that did mean 3 stops on a 3 hour journey) - usually we'd pick at sweets and crisps the whole way
- Had a shake when I got there then nothing all pm
- Met the lovely Ruth and drank black tea and water and didn't mind one bit not having a big stonking cake to go with
- Sat with Mr L whilst he had a jacket spud/chicken dinner and only whinged a little bit
- Went to theatre - twice - and had no sweets
- Went to the Dirty Duck - twice - and very nearly automatically ordered my usual large glass of red but remembered and didn't
- didn't go to breakfast in the b&b at all today, and yesterday just had coffee
As You Like It and Julius Caesar in one weekend - fantastic. I've got to mention Mariah Gale who played Rosalind so very, very well (she's the understudy, and I don't know for sure but I suspect it was her first night in the role) and Sam Troughton, who was amazing as Brutus in JC....such a good actor. And we had lovely weather, and there was a river festival to waste time at, so all in all I've had a fabulous time.
Short blog post as not really much to say, other than I'm dead chuffed to have been away for the whole weekend and dealt with it well.
Weigh in tomorrow. I know what my own scales suggest, but I'm keeping my own counsel on that until after tomorrow night's WI. I'm not dreading it as much as last week, though. Will update tomorrow!
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Day 16 - The only thing we have to fear
Week 2 weigh in last night. Dreaded it. Rightly so, as it turned out, as lost precisely 1lb.
I'm not feeling that losing 1lb was unjustified, quite the opposite - I was lucky to lose anything at all. I'm annoyed that I sabotaged myself for no reason. I've thought about this weekend a lot, trying to work out why I wasn't prepared to front up to what I was doing and deal with the consequences, why I tried to hide it and 'get away' with a (poor) compromise.
I should preface these remarks by saying that actually nobody has been anything but supportive. My close friends are very, very supportive of me. My husband is a superstar - doing all the shopping, eating before I come home from work, not expecting me to deal with food at all. Big thanks Mr S. So I have no idea where all this reluctance to tell people came from, other than quite simply fear.
Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. Oh how true.
But this is what scared me. It winds me up how people think its ok to have all sorts of opinions about VLCDs - usually garnered from third hand anecdote, the rabid tabloid press, or wimmins magazines (all such reliable sources, I'm sure you'll agree) - about a) diets they know nothing about b) people with a weight problem, you in particular c) what you 'should' do - hacks me right off...and this is why I had such a major thump off the wagon this weekend. I was too reluctant to confront what other people thought, and couldnt' be doing with all the negativity and criticism that I know comes with telling people you're doing a VLCD.
Comments about 'that's not healthy' or 'your hair will all fall out' or 'it only works for as long as you do it' or even 'why not join weightwatchers' or 'eat less move more'. Grrrrr. Gets right up my nose. If those things worked for me, do you think I'd be here? Jeeez, thanks for those, I never thought of eating less - do you think that'll do it for me? God.
Well that taught me! From here on in, I'm not giving a stuff what people think or how they respond. I have SO proved that it isn't worth trying to conform to what people think you 'ought' to do. A polite 'thank you for your concern, but I'm quite comfortable with my choices' should deter them. And if they persist I'll have no trouble at all just saying that this is, after all, MY choice, and they can butt out now, thankyou SO much.Sorry, I appear to be ranting. But it annoys me in the first place and now I have reason to be very upset about the position I put myself in because of it!
So now I've got to go through the hell of climbing the wall again. Nearly there, I think, but haven't had a brilliant day. Onwards and downwards - tomorrow can only be better.
I'm not feeling that losing 1lb was unjustified, quite the opposite - I was lucky to lose anything at all. I'm annoyed that I sabotaged myself for no reason. I've thought about this weekend a lot, trying to work out why I wasn't prepared to front up to what I was doing and deal with the consequences, why I tried to hide it and 'get away' with a (poor) compromise.
I should preface these remarks by saying that actually nobody has been anything but supportive. My close friends are very, very supportive of me. My husband is a superstar - doing all the shopping, eating before I come home from work, not expecting me to deal with food at all. Big thanks Mr S. So I have no idea where all this reluctance to tell people came from, other than quite simply fear.
Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. Oh how true.
But this is what scared me. It winds me up how people think its ok to have all sorts of opinions about VLCDs - usually garnered from third hand anecdote, the rabid tabloid press, or wimmins magazines (all such reliable sources, I'm sure you'll agree) - about a) diets they know nothing about b) people with a weight problem, you in particular c) what you 'should' do - hacks me right off...and this is why I had such a major thump off the wagon this weekend. I was too reluctant to confront what other people thought, and couldnt' be doing with all the negativity and criticism that I know comes with telling people you're doing a VLCD.
Comments about 'that's not healthy' or 'your hair will all fall out' or 'it only works for as long as you do it' or even 'why not join weightwatchers' or 'eat less move more'. Grrrrr. Gets right up my nose. If those things worked for me, do you think I'd be here? Jeeez, thanks for those, I never thought of eating less - do you think that'll do it for me? God.
Well that taught me! From here on in, I'm not giving a stuff what people think or how they respond. I have SO proved that it isn't worth trying to conform to what people think you 'ought' to do. A polite 'thank you for your concern, but I'm quite comfortable with my choices' should deter them. And if they persist I'll have no trouble at all just saying that this is, after all, MY choice, and they can butt out now, thankyou SO much.Sorry, I appear to be ranting. But it annoys me in the first place and now I have reason to be very upset about the position I put myself in because of it!
So now I've got to go through the hell of climbing the wall again. Nearly there, I think, but haven't had a brilliant day. Onwards and downwards - tomorrow can only be better.
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Day 14 - Buffeted on all sides
Waaah. Am v annoyed with self.
I had brilliant plans for coping with the event this weekend. In context, this is the end of week 2 on CD and have been doing really, really well, and was on track to lose enough to take me up to/past the first stone marker at my WI tomorrow night.
Been to a family party, and worked out how to deal with the bbq. Take a plate, eat small amount chicken and salad, circulate. Didn't work out. SOOOO didn't work out.
No barbeque.
No circulating.
Instead, cold buffet.....I joined in. Perhaps I shouldn't - but, hell, I did.Ok so I tried to make reasonable choices - studiously avoided rice, pasta, potato salads. However, did eat - edamame salad; beetroot, hb egg, coronation chicken (yikes). And the worst, cheese, crackers, pate. Oh and a small amount of (thin crust) pizza. Like the fact that its thin crust makes a difference.
And puddings. Less said the better.
No circulating - everyone sat down to eat, so plan of losing plate uneaten didn't work either.
What I did manage to do was not drink. Had to keep going up to the house to get water, but otherwise had orange squash, no doubt full of sugar - EVERYTHING soft was sugary...coke, lilt, oasis, juice. Gah. I did take a glass of red wine but didn't like it at all - i normally love red, so either my system just couldn't take the alcohol, or it was a nasty red (unlikely - a decent Merlot) so I accidentally spilt that.
I'm SOOOOO disappointed with myself, and now dreading my WI. I'm glad I went to the event, but wish I had more self control.
Today's lesson: planned weekends off don't work for me unless I just bin the whole thing and go bonkers.
Sorry. Whinge. Just so disappointed. In the grand battle between Liz and Ethel this weekend, I have to say Ethel has won hands down.
On the upside (there has to be an upside!) I didn't immediately think 'right thats it I've blown it' and stuff myself full of breakfast (had nothing - just coffee/mint tea and a choc shake) and then compound the error with crisps and chocolate and other service station nasties on the way home. Nothing since I got home. The idea of food makes me feel a bit ill. A lot ill.
Am drinking water like its going out of fashion, but I don't hold out much hope for the WI tomorrow night. We shall see.
However - great party, really glad I went, even though its caused me a bit of a hiccup!
I had brilliant plans for coping with the event this weekend. In context, this is the end of week 2 on CD and have been doing really, really well, and was on track to lose enough to take me up to/past the first stone marker at my WI tomorrow night.
Been to a family party, and worked out how to deal with the bbq. Take a plate, eat small amount chicken and salad, circulate. Didn't work out. SOOOO didn't work out.
No barbeque.
No circulating.
Instead, cold buffet.....I joined in. Perhaps I shouldn't - but, hell, I did.Ok so I tried to make reasonable choices - studiously avoided rice, pasta, potato salads. However, did eat - edamame salad; beetroot, hb egg, coronation chicken (yikes). And the worst, cheese, crackers, pate. Oh and a small amount of (thin crust) pizza. Like the fact that its thin crust makes a difference.
And puddings. Less said the better.
No circulating - everyone sat down to eat, so plan of losing plate uneaten didn't work either.
What I did manage to do was not drink. Had to keep going up to the house to get water, but otherwise had orange squash, no doubt full of sugar - EVERYTHING soft was sugary...coke, lilt, oasis, juice. Gah. I did take a glass of red wine but didn't like it at all - i normally love red, so either my system just couldn't take the alcohol, or it was a nasty red (unlikely - a decent Merlot) so I accidentally spilt that.
I'm SOOOOO disappointed with myself, and now dreading my WI. I'm glad I went to the event, but wish I had more self control.
Today's lesson: planned weekends off don't work for me unless I just bin the whole thing and go bonkers.
Sorry. Whinge. Just so disappointed. In the grand battle between Liz and Ethel this weekend, I have to say Ethel has won hands down.
On the upside (there has to be an upside!) I didn't immediately think 'right thats it I've blown it' and stuff myself full of breakfast (had nothing - just coffee/mint tea and a choc shake) and then compound the error with crisps and chocolate and other service station nasties on the way home. Nothing since I got home. The idea of food makes me feel a bit ill. A lot ill.
Am drinking water like its going out of fashion, but I don't hold out much hope for the WI tomorrow night. We shall see.
However - great party, really glad I went, even though its caused me a bit of a hiccup!
Friday, 26 June 2009
Day 12 - scales of injustice
Ok, here's today's lesson. Scales are bad. Bad.*
Had I not leapt on the scales in happy anticipation for the last few mornings I would not know that I had not lost an ounce since Tuesday night (day 9). I would, however, know that I have lost 3 inches or so off my waist, that a friend said I looked noticeably thinner, that I've been 100% committed and have not cheated.
I would know all these positive things, and be pleased, and be looking forward to my WI like I was earlier this week, knowing that I couldn't fail but to have lost weight.
Instead, I am annoyed, grumpy, demotivated and disheartened. My WI looms on the horizon like an appointment at the smear test clinic.
Thus - scales are bad. I am going to take the battery out of the bloody things so I cannot be further tempted to 'just see' where I am.
However, I refuse to let this overshadow my day, which has been pretty good actually, despite being freezing for most of it. I got into a pair of size 18 M&S trousers today - proper work trousers, no stretch, proper waistband. I bought them without trying them on months ago, literally months ago, and they never fitted. Today, they do. Rah!! Yay me!!
Off to family bbq tomorrow, and after much internal wrangling, have decided to have one planned meal 'off diet'. Am just hoping that by sticking to lean protein and salad and studiously avoiding carbs and alcohol, I can stay within fingertip distance of ketosis and not have to go through the hell of climbing that wall again. I don't care if people wonder why I'm not drinking, but the thought of spending about 12 hours explaining over and over and over to a sequence of people who will either not understand, or decide (with no basis in fact) that CD is 'bad for you' and spend hours arguing with me and/or trying to make me eat a burger - well, just fills me with abject horror.
This event is not about me, nor do I want it to be, I just want to be a normal guest and not be a topic of conversation, nor do I want to be justifying and defending myself, I'd quite like to enjoy the event too and not spend it feeling beset on all sides by well-meaning people bearing gin and tonic, burgers, crisps and beer. Of course, that might not happen - nobody really cares, do they, but just in case, I have a plan.
I shall take a plate of food, circulate, chat to people, pick at the chicken and salad (there has to be chicken and salad. there always is) then quietly lose the plate. And as far as everyone else is concerned, I've eaten, I'm full, end of story! Hopefully this will work....will report back on success or otherwise on Sunday, and Monday night will be the proof in the pudding, at the WI. I hate to risk my success so far on one meal, but this makes me feel a hell of a lot better than the alternatives, and I feel a lot more positive for having made a sensible choice. (I hope it is sensible)
For anyone non-CD reading this blog (such as it is, so far) - I do actually have a life, by the way, but this is my blog for my CD journey, and I see no reason to bore you, dear reader, with much else!
Lx
*Disclaimer: For me. Not for everyone - whatever works for you, girlfrien'
Had I not leapt on the scales in happy anticipation for the last few mornings I would not know that I had not lost an ounce since Tuesday night (day 9). I would, however, know that I have lost 3 inches or so off my waist, that a friend said I looked noticeably thinner, that I've been 100% committed and have not cheated.
I would know all these positive things, and be pleased, and be looking forward to my WI like I was earlier this week, knowing that I couldn't fail but to have lost weight.
Instead, I am annoyed, grumpy, demotivated and disheartened. My WI looms on the horizon like an appointment at the smear test clinic.
Thus - scales are bad. I am going to take the battery out of the bloody things so I cannot be further tempted to 'just see' where I am.
However, I refuse to let this overshadow my day, which has been pretty good actually, despite being freezing for most of it. I got into a pair of size 18 M&S trousers today - proper work trousers, no stretch, proper waistband. I bought them without trying them on months ago, literally months ago, and they never fitted. Today, they do. Rah!! Yay me!!
Off to family bbq tomorrow, and after much internal wrangling, have decided to have one planned meal 'off diet'. Am just hoping that by sticking to lean protein and salad and studiously avoiding carbs and alcohol, I can stay within fingertip distance of ketosis and not have to go through the hell of climbing that wall again. I don't care if people wonder why I'm not drinking, but the thought of spending about 12 hours explaining over and over and over to a sequence of people who will either not understand, or decide (with no basis in fact) that CD is 'bad for you' and spend hours arguing with me and/or trying to make me eat a burger - well, just fills me with abject horror.
This event is not about me, nor do I want it to be, I just want to be a normal guest and not be a topic of conversation, nor do I want to be justifying and defending myself, I'd quite like to enjoy the event too and not spend it feeling beset on all sides by well-meaning people bearing gin and tonic, burgers, crisps and beer. Of course, that might not happen - nobody really cares, do they, but just in case, I have a plan.
I shall take a plate of food, circulate, chat to people, pick at the chicken and salad (there has to be chicken and salad. there always is) then quietly lose the plate. And as far as everyone else is concerned, I've eaten, I'm full, end of story! Hopefully this will work....will report back on success or otherwise on Sunday, and Monday night will be the proof in the pudding, at the WI. I hate to risk my success so far on one meal, but this makes me feel a hell of a lot better than the alternatives, and I feel a lot more positive for having made a sensible choice. (I hope it is sensible)
For anyone non-CD reading this blog (such as it is, so far) - I do actually have a life, by the way, but this is my blog for my CD journey, and I see no reason to bore you, dear reader, with much else!
Lx
*Disclaimer: For me. Not for everyone - whatever works for you, girlfrien'
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Day 10 - a good day but feeling a bit odd
Apologies to friends and forum members who may have read bits of this already tonight. Having written this once already tonight, in different places, I don't really see the need to write it again, given that it is what happened and what I'm thinking.
I'm doing ok - totally 100% still, drinking my water, feeling fine. But today i've been thinking, I can't ever imagine myself slim. I've been overweight all my adult life - from slightly (teen/early 20s) to enormously (various points in between then and now) but mostly ...well, mostly significantly overweight. I lost weight for my wedding but still was married at 13 stone; went up to 16; down to 11.5; back up to 15...and here we are.
The only time I've been properly slim - even thin - was when I went to college; I went at 10 stone and within a term was 9 stone (a diet of mainly alcohol, with occasional veggie-pizza-chips-and-beans and things on toast - plus a whole new regime of walking 6-8 miles per day and dancing every night). Even then, I thought I was fat. By Christmas of that first year, everyone told me I was too thin and looked ill, but I wonder how much of that was just surprise and the fact that they cared about me and it didn't look like I was taking care of myself.
I am thinking about how much of this contributes to the fact that I simply can't imagine that I will ever be slim and a healthy weight. It just doesn't 'fit' with my self image. I am a confident person and don't hide away, despite my size. I'm not the jolly fat girl, being a total misery some of the time, but I just don't make an issue out of being a size 18/20. Its normal. Its what I am.
Will I still be me if I'm 10 stone and a size 12? Can I ever get there? Fears of self sabotage abound. I just can't believe it'll ever be me. I've no idea where this has come from, and guess its just a passing mind-flurble, but I'm so used to being a 'big girl' that its impossible for me, at the moment, to believe that I'll ever be slim.
Had a choc tetra made into a mocha today, which was nice and much more filling than just the tetra on its own. Unfortunately, the contents of the choc tetra pack turn out to be grey. Which is an odd colour for chocolate milkshake. Obviously it is designed to be drunk unseen. Grey mocha is not terribly appetising, but it tasted ok. So that's good. Realise i've notbeen drinking enough - have been guessing - am close, but not quite 4l, I don't think. So I'm increasing that as of today, and am wearing a groove to the Ladies.
I've also recognised another emotion which I would normally choose to eat to suppress - anger. One of my staff has made me absolutely furious by backing me into a corner; details unnecessary, but I come out of this looking either petty and unnecessary, or powerless and irrelevant. Bah. And I stormed home, in a foul mood, and instantly wanted a piece of toast for comfort value and something crunchy to take it out on. I watered the plants instead. I did water them quite vehemently, but I don't think they noticed.
On a brighter note, I spent a few quid in the jane norman sale, and bought two frocks and a skirt in a size 14. Which is three sizes below where I am now. As I believe in the power of pull/positive motivation, rather than push (eg not wanting to be 15 stone any more - after all, I've achieved that already) these clothes are part of my 'pull' towards my new shape and size. I WILL wear them at Christmas (unless, of course, when they arrive I hate them!)
Today's stats:
Weight - 14'2
Lost - 11
To target - 45
And I think that's enough for now.
Lx
I'm doing ok - totally 100% still, drinking my water, feeling fine. But today i've been thinking, I can't ever imagine myself slim. I've been overweight all my adult life - from slightly (teen/early 20s) to enormously (various points in between then and now) but mostly ...well, mostly significantly overweight. I lost weight for my wedding but still was married at 13 stone; went up to 16; down to 11.5; back up to 15...and here we are.
The only time I've been properly slim - even thin - was when I went to college; I went at 10 stone and within a term was 9 stone (a diet of mainly alcohol, with occasional veggie-pizza-chips-and-beans and things on toast - plus a whole new regime of walking 6-8 miles per day and dancing every night). Even then, I thought I was fat. By Christmas of that first year, everyone told me I was too thin and looked ill, but I wonder how much of that was just surprise and the fact that they cared about me and it didn't look like I was taking care of myself.
I am thinking about how much of this contributes to the fact that I simply can't imagine that I will ever be slim and a healthy weight. It just doesn't 'fit' with my self image. I am a confident person and don't hide away, despite my size. I'm not the jolly fat girl, being a total misery some of the time, but I just don't make an issue out of being a size 18/20. Its normal. Its what I am.
Will I still be me if I'm 10 stone and a size 12? Can I ever get there? Fears of self sabotage abound. I just can't believe it'll ever be me. I've no idea where this has come from, and guess its just a passing mind-flurble, but I'm so used to being a 'big girl' that its impossible for me, at the moment, to believe that I'll ever be slim.
Had a choc tetra made into a mocha today, which was nice and much more filling than just the tetra on its own. Unfortunately, the contents of the choc tetra pack turn out to be grey. Which is an odd colour for chocolate milkshake. Obviously it is designed to be drunk unseen. Grey mocha is not terribly appetising, but it tasted ok. So that's good. Realise i've notbeen drinking enough - have been guessing - am close, but not quite 4l, I don't think. So I'm increasing that as of today, and am wearing a groove to the Ladies.
I've also recognised another emotion which I would normally choose to eat to suppress - anger. One of my staff has made me absolutely furious by backing me into a corner; details unnecessary, but I come out of this looking either petty and unnecessary, or powerless and irrelevant. Bah. And I stormed home, in a foul mood, and instantly wanted a piece of toast for comfort value and something crunchy to take it out on. I watered the plants instead. I did water them quite vehemently, but I don't think they noticed.
On a brighter note, I spent a few quid in the jane norman sale, and bought two frocks and a skirt in a size 14. Which is three sizes below where I am now. As I believe in the power of pull/positive motivation, rather than push (eg not wanting to be 15 stone any more - after all, I've achieved that already) these clothes are part of my 'pull' towards my new shape and size. I WILL wear them at Christmas (unless, of course, when they arrive I hate them!)
Today's stats:
Weight - 14'2
Lost - 11
To target - 45
And I think that's enough for now.
Lx
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Day 9 - weigh day
Woke up today stupidly excited about the fact that my first proper WI was tonight. Having had an interim one on Saturday (day 6) and down 9lb, I was keen to see the results of my labours to day 9.
The result is....11lb!! Big huge smiley face at having lost 11lb in nine days. Although I will confess to a little 'meh' moment at only dropping 1.5lb since Saturday. Bonkers, I know. I'll get over it soon enough. Just seems I want the moon, and having got it, would quite like the stars as well.
I've been having the odd can of coke zero in the last few days - my CDC said it was preferable to diet coke (banned! sob) but think I will lay off it and replace with water. I've done it before, given up my diet coke addiction, and in fact it was easy. So, no more coke zero. Mr L will have to take it to work and let his colleagues have it instead, I'm sure they won't mind.
Having got through Friday night (girl's night: wine, vodka, peanuts, pizza etc) 100% SS, I now have to face the challenge of a family barbecue on Saturday. All afternoon/evening, and overnight in a hotel. Am very, very worried about how I'll cope with it. Not because I think I'll cave in, but because I don't really feel much like spending the entire party explaining my choices and my decision to do CD. I'd rather keep it under my hat for now - I'm a bit fed up having to justify myself, and don't want to make this party all about meeeee, either. So, what to do. I do want to enjoy the party, I do want to go, I just don't want it to get in the way. And I don't want to cheat either. As I see it I have a few options:
1 - lie, take a plate of food, and quietly put it down somewhere
2 - lie, pretend to have an upset stomach, don't eat and retire early (how rooood!)
3 - take a plate of food, eat perhaps the chicken and a bit of salad, put plate down somewhere
4 - ???? no idea.
5 - let Ethel have her way and trough bbq food and vodka all afternoon.
My friends last Friday were SO supportive and really made what could have been a difficult evening very easy. I'm not suggesting family will try to sabotage me, but unless I spend hours being a diet bore, they're unlikely to 'get' what I'm doing... I fear 'oh go on just a bit of sausage, can't harm you' etc.
Hey ho. Only time will tell, I guess. Next WI on Monday, so at least I have that to hang on to.
Lx
The result is....11lb!! Big huge smiley face at having lost 11lb in nine days. Although I will confess to a little 'meh' moment at only dropping 1.5lb since Saturday. Bonkers, I know. I'll get over it soon enough. Just seems I want the moon, and having got it, would quite like the stars as well.
I've been having the odd can of coke zero in the last few days - my CDC said it was preferable to diet coke (banned! sob) but think I will lay off it and replace with water. I've done it before, given up my diet coke addiction, and in fact it was easy. So, no more coke zero. Mr L will have to take it to work and let his colleagues have it instead, I'm sure they won't mind.
Having got through Friday night (girl's night: wine, vodka, peanuts, pizza etc) 100% SS, I now have to face the challenge of a family barbecue on Saturday. All afternoon/evening, and overnight in a hotel. Am very, very worried about how I'll cope with it. Not because I think I'll cave in, but because I don't really feel much like spending the entire party explaining my choices and my decision to do CD. I'd rather keep it under my hat for now - I'm a bit fed up having to justify myself, and don't want to make this party all about meeeee, either. So, what to do. I do want to enjoy the party, I do want to go, I just don't want it to get in the way. And I don't want to cheat either. As I see it I have a few options:
1 - lie, take a plate of food, and quietly put it down somewhere
2 - lie, pretend to have an upset stomach, don't eat and retire early (how rooood!)
3 - take a plate of food, eat perhaps the chicken and a bit of salad, put plate down somewhere
4 - ???? no idea.
5 - let Ethel have her way and trough bbq food and vodka all afternoon.
My friends last Friday were SO supportive and really made what could have been a difficult evening very easy. I'm not suggesting family will try to sabotage me, but unless I spend hours being a diet bore, they're unlikely to 'get' what I'm doing... I fear 'oh go on just a bit of sausage, can't harm you' etc.
Hey ho. Only time will tell, I guess. Next WI on Monday, so at least I have that to hang on to.
Lx
Monday, 22 June 2009
Day 8 - Panic stations!
Panic on two levels today - one work related, which I won't bother writing down - it was bad enough first time, let alone reliving it for the purposes of a blog.
The second - I was cheerfully walking along to work this morning when I realised I had not put a shake in my bag for 'lunch' today. Not good. I wondered if I would be able to go 12 hours between packs, but decided that probably wouldn't work. I am only 8 days into the diet and am still in a mindset of having shakes at 'meal' times eg breakfast, lunch, tea. I know from experience that that passes, and its possible to go for long periods of time between them, but not at the moment.
Hmmm. Great trepidation. I wanted to survive the day without getting faint and/or saying sod it I'm in need of food I'll have something, but neither did I want to eat. I'm in ketosis, and i don't want to ruin that - it took me long enough to get here!
Imagine my HUGE relief when I opened the desk drawer and found a chocolate pack lurking within! I don't remember putting it there, but clearly I did so, for blonde moments such as this morning. (Must now remember to replace it....) However, despite relief the size of Belgium, I was still interested to know what to do should I find myself up shakiness creek without a pack in future.
So I consulted the wisdom of Minimins and asked what I could have, and am pleased to say I learned something; should that happen again, I know what I can choose and not throw myself out of ketosis or spoil my weigh in....chicken seems to be the food of choice, but also tuna or cottage cheese. Left to my own devices I probably would have chosen peanuts (instant protein delivery!) or babybel cheese. So now I know what to do. Bonus.
I'm finding the idea of the 810 plan very seductive. Food! Proper food! Even if its just a mini meal, its food. And I miss food - planning, shopping, cooking, eating. Apparently the losses are just as good, maybe a shade lower, but not much. Easy to see how that can be attractive.
But I'll think on this for a day or two; need to ponder and evaluate. At the moment, much as I miss food, I think I need a complete break from it. Sole source is just that - sole source - nothing else. I need to reprogramme my relationships with food; so having food is surely counter-productive? I can see both sides.
A good day, though, despite the panic. Fully into ketosis and despite being very very cold, feeling just fine. Not hungry at all. The promised 'feeling of wellbeing' has arrived! Brain like cotton wool, but never mind - I am deeply chuffed with myself for getting through the first week 100%. Weigh in tomorrow so hope to post with good news!
The second - I was cheerfully walking along to work this morning when I realised I had not put a shake in my bag for 'lunch' today. Not good. I wondered if I would be able to go 12 hours between packs, but decided that probably wouldn't work. I am only 8 days into the diet and am still in a mindset of having shakes at 'meal' times eg breakfast, lunch, tea. I know from experience that that passes, and its possible to go for long periods of time between them, but not at the moment.
Hmmm. Great trepidation. I wanted to survive the day without getting faint and/or saying sod it I'm in need of food I'll have something, but neither did I want to eat. I'm in ketosis, and i don't want to ruin that - it took me long enough to get here!
Imagine my HUGE relief when I opened the desk drawer and found a chocolate pack lurking within! I don't remember putting it there, but clearly I did so, for blonde moments such as this morning. (Must now remember to replace it....) However, despite relief the size of Belgium, I was still interested to know what to do should I find myself up shakiness creek without a pack in future.
So I consulted the wisdom of Minimins and asked what I could have, and am pleased to say I learned something; should that happen again, I know what I can choose and not throw myself out of ketosis or spoil my weigh in....chicken seems to be the food of choice, but also tuna or cottage cheese. Left to my own devices I probably would have chosen peanuts (instant protein delivery!) or babybel cheese. So now I know what to do. Bonus.
I'm finding the idea of the 810 plan very seductive. Food! Proper food! Even if its just a mini meal, its food. And I miss food - planning, shopping, cooking, eating. Apparently the losses are just as good, maybe a shade lower, but not much. Easy to see how that can be attractive.
But I'll think on this for a day or two; need to ponder and evaluate. At the moment, much as I miss food, I think I need a complete break from it. Sole source is just that - sole source - nothing else. I need to reprogramme my relationships with food; so having food is surely counter-productive? I can see both sides.
A good day, though, despite the panic. Fully into ketosis and despite being very very cold, feeling just fine. Not hungry at all. The promised 'feeling of wellbeing' has arrived! Brain like cotton wool, but never mind - I am deeply chuffed with myself for getting through the first week 100%. Weigh in tomorrow so hope to post with good news!
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Day Seven
Well, hello. I'm a completely virgin blogger, so be gentle with me if I get all this horribly wrong.
Here's a bit about myself and why I've set this blog up. I'm Liz, 36, and I live in Kent with two cats and one husband. I'm blogging about my weight loss journey using the Cambridge Diet and I don't give a toss if nobody ever reads this except me. Just knowing its out there in the world, and using it to record my progress, ups/downs, thoughts, earth-shattering insights etc is enough.
I started CD on Monday 15 June. Its my second (proper) attempt at a VLCD, having lost 4.5 stone with Lighter Life in 2005 but failing to keep all bar a stone of it off. The trigger for starting CD - and really meaning it this time - was a trip away with friends in early May.
We had each bought the same dress from New Look back in about January of this year - a short, sequinned, gold tunic dress. I bought a 16 - the biggest size they had - with the intention to 'slim into it'. Hahaahahaha - excuse me whilst I roll about on the laughing floor for a while.
Of course I didn't slim into it and had to wear it as I was - it DID fit, just, but I did not look good in it. I feel so unhappy when I look at the photographs of that weekend. it was a brilliant weekend, but I can't believe I looked so bloody dreadful. I'm wearing the dress again in September.
Whilst it seems a bit superficial to lose weight for the point of a dress, its much more than that. I'm four years off 40 and need to sort my health out once and for all. I am at serious risk of diabetes and heart disease if I carry on like this, not to mention all sorts of other nasties that could come along. Being a sensible weight is the first step in a long journey to sort myself out. The dress is a convenient and useful expression of all that - I WILL look good in it; in fact, it will be too big, by September!
So here's the goal - four stone, or 56lb, by September, and then carry on after that to get to 140lb. Started on Monday, at 14'13, and by yesterday had lost 9.5 lb.
Here's today's stats:
Weight - 14'3.5
Lost - 9.5
To target - 46.5
I weigh in 'for real' on Tuesday, so hope to get it to 10lb or more by then. Till then....
Lx
Here's a bit about myself and why I've set this blog up. I'm Liz, 36, and I live in Kent with two cats and one husband. I'm blogging about my weight loss journey using the Cambridge Diet and I don't give a toss if nobody ever reads this except me. Just knowing its out there in the world, and using it to record my progress, ups/downs, thoughts, earth-shattering insights etc is enough.
I started CD on Monday 15 June. Its my second (proper) attempt at a VLCD, having lost 4.5 stone with Lighter Life in 2005 but failing to keep all bar a stone of it off. The trigger for starting CD - and really meaning it this time - was a trip away with friends in early May.
We had each bought the same dress from New Look back in about January of this year - a short, sequinned, gold tunic dress. I bought a 16 - the biggest size they had - with the intention to 'slim into it'. Hahaahahaha - excuse me whilst I roll about on the laughing floor for a while.
Of course I didn't slim into it and had to wear it as I was - it DID fit, just, but I did not look good in it. I feel so unhappy when I look at the photographs of that weekend. it was a brilliant weekend, but I can't believe I looked so bloody dreadful. I'm wearing the dress again in September.
Whilst it seems a bit superficial to lose weight for the point of a dress, its much more than that. I'm four years off 40 and need to sort my health out once and for all. I am at serious risk of diabetes and heart disease if I carry on like this, not to mention all sorts of other nasties that could come along. Being a sensible weight is the first step in a long journey to sort myself out. The dress is a convenient and useful expression of all that - I WILL look good in it; in fact, it will be too big, by September!
So here's the goal - four stone, or 56lb, by September, and then carry on after that to get to 140lb. Started on Monday, at 14'13, and by yesterday had lost 9.5 lb.
Here's today's stats:
Weight - 14'3.5
Lost - 9.5
To target - 46.5
I weigh in 'for real' on Tuesday, so hope to get it to 10lb or more by then. Till then....
Lx
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